to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
