Your tits are I can't wait for
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
