Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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