the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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