All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
