I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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