I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
