Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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