I've blown a few things in my day
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had to cum in my sink.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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