census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
time to smoke my breakfast
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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