Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
