I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
