It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
