I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
