So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
