I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
