So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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