You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
