i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
