I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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