dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
