If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
