god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
