3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
