there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
only you would photoshop your dick
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
