I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize