youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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