Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His nipple licking is glorious
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