the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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