Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
