She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just invented taco cereal.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
