We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
