Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think my moral compass just broke
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
