i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
