and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize