I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
