My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
