Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
