I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
