When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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