I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I could make wine with my vomit
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
