I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
