yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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