I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
