We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
