So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
