i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
