It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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