I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
