He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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