I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
