ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
