My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
