it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
