you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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