Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
