I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
