She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
