u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
