wat bout pragnant strippers??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
