i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
