one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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