apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize