i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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