I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
