You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
