careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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