the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
