you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im holly from the hills drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
