I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
