I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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