she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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