If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
