I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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