he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
