i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
